Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Birthday Blog...the road ahead

I sit here on the eve of my birthday with a very generously poured glass of wine reflecting on the past year and wondering about the year ahead. It's been a mixed bag, the past year, number 48... just as all years are.  Joy, accomplishment, warm and abiding moments of friendship and love, all mixed up with sadness, anxiety and disappointment.  New things begun, old things let go of. Dreams taken hold of and other dreams dashed.  All very normal in the course of a life. 

I hate getting older.  Anyone who knows me well, knows that about me.  I can't fathom that I am going to be 49. It still surprises me when there's not a 20 year old looking back at me in the mirror every morning. I do love birthdays but I don't like the inevitable aging part of it.  I know that I'm supposed to make peace with it but I can't. Not when there's so much more to do. 

I feel like I am just getting started.  Like I've just figured out where I am heading. I feel as if one part of my life is ending and a new part is beginning.  I'm ready, or am I? Depends on the day, but most days I think I'm ready to fly. 

So, my 49th year is only hours away.  I hope I use it wisely but also spend it extravagantly as if I have all the time in the world.  I want peace and stillness in my soul and laughter and exuberance in my heart. I still want to be the first one ready to go anywhere and the loudest and the last one to leave the party.  I hope I'm never satisfied with where I am and continue to search for answers to all of my questions. I want to give more, love more and help where I am needed.  I want to fly.

Thanks for listening...for sharing my journey.  And I hope next year this time, I still hate getting older.

18" x 24" oil on canvas
©2014dottietleatherwood

4 comments:

Jim Serrett said...


May you find pleasure everywhere, and may every moment today make you smile. Happy Birthday

hmuxo said...

First of all, Dottie...this post just made me chuckle!!!! "When I was 49 that was a very good year"
(a little bit of Frank Sinatra coming out!) My daughter is a few years younger than you.. and when I look in the mirror I still see a 20 year old..lol Have a wonderful birthday, Dottie..!!!
Love your painting...the sky looks amazing!!!

Susie Gregory said...

hey sweet girl..i don't know who "hmxo" is but I second that emotion!!.. my oldest daughter is 46 so unless I was married at 12..that makes me a whole lot older than you...and believe me...every day..every year.. is getting better and better.. after 30 or so years of painting, I embarked on daily painting about 6 or 7 years ago..well into my sixties..and my growth since then has been remarkable...I think I am having more fun..learning more..becoming more of who i'm meant to be..with every passing year..you are doing such wonderful work now...just imagine what it will be like when you get to be this "old broad's" age...and speaking from someone who lost both parents early..grab onto every day and enjoy the hell out of it!!..paint, golf, read, walk, eat, drink, and paint some more...happy birthday!

Jerry Stocks said...

Lovely painting and Happy Birthday. Please don't worry about getting old. Life gets better with each year.